Today is Memorial Day: the day we honor every man and woman who sacrificed their life for our country. Homeschooling my daughter has not only allowed me to teach her exactly what that means, but also for me to understand the depth of that meaning. I know that, although I may try to, I will never fully understand.
I come from a long line of military in my family, as well as my husbands. We are proud of every family member that has taken on that calling. My husbands father was in the Air Force, his grandfather and grandmother were both in the Army. My father and Uncle were in the Army and both of my grandfathers were in the Army Air-Core before it split into the branches they are today. My daddy fought in Korea and my Uncle in Vietnam, at the same time, where my uncle was shot and returned home to heal. Neither of them talk much about it. I hear the funny stories of how my dad made it to jump school to be a paratrooper, of how he worked with the base cook to keep his car on base and be able to use it on the weekends to spend at the beach. But never stories of war or sacrifice. I know my dad lost many friends, but I will never understand that loss as it never happened to me, I never saw it with my own eyes. Nor will I ask him. That experience is personal, private, brave.
When I was 18, I married a man in the Navy. He was deployed and underway more than he was home. So were many of my fellow military wives husbands. It takes a toll on a family. I was fortunate to never have kids in that marriage. I have friends whose kids didn’t recognize their dad when they came home, I have friends who didn’t come home, I have friends who are still happily married to their military spouse and hold down the fort deployment after deployment. I still have memories of Skyping with my then husband while he was on Individual Assignment through the Army to go to Afghanistan for 18 months. I remember hearing sirens and bombs going off in the background and his whole room shaking and the connection being lost. Is he okay? Did I just watch him die? Technology today is both a blessing and a curse. It allows us to communicate with our loved ones more but it also gives us a tiny glimpse into what they are truly dealing with. How their living conditions are. The pain and sadness on their faces. The weight of their sacrifices. I didn’t fully understand it until my friend started dating a marine from Camp Pendleton and we began spending the summer with his whole group of buddies. They were a family and when one dates a girl, all her friends become a part of the family too. They all treated me like their little sister, looked out for me like they do their own. The camaraderie is next level! After the summer was over, they deployed together. We had a friend in the group who was severely injured overseas. I’ll never forget that phone call. He was flown to Germany and then to DC to undergo surgeries. He arrived home to Cali right before the rest of the platoon arrived home from deployment many months later. I was so excited to hug him and tell him I was so happy he’s alive but once I saw him and felt the energy in the group I realized how ignorant and selfish my happiness was and how little I knew of their sacrifice. Of his. It wasn’t just physical, it was emotional. Spiritual. You could see it in his eyes and in the way he sat in his wheel chair. Almost corpse-like. But the day got even more insightful as they has a ceremony to honor those that didn’t make it home alive. I sat and watched as 25 of the soldiers gear were placed next to each other. Their boots, their guns, their helmets on top, their dog tags hanging. It’s an eerie feeling wrapped with a deep appreciation and sense of gratitude. That was the moment I realized the depth of their sacrifices, to my understanding at least.
When my ex and I got divorced I had hit rock bottom and didn’t have any direction for my life so I did what many young and dumb kids do, I walked into a recruiters office. Those are the offices that turn boys into men. Where your life generates a purpose. Where you leave feeling like you will finally accomplish something. They sugar coat it, fluff you up, create a pride in you that you didn’t have before. Some walk in with that pride already and KNOW the military is what they were destined to do, but from my experience and many others I had gotten to know over the years, our visit was merely a last resort. I remember the recruiter asking me if I could really shoot someone? Little 5’5” 125 lb blonde me. My response: “If it’s between me or them, no offense but I choose them. Every time.” Thank God I never had to experience that. I wouldn’t be the same person here today. Who knows if I would even be here today! I remember going home and telling my parents and my dad crying and telling me that was the last place he wanted me was in the Army. You could see some pride in his eyes that his daughter would go on to serve her country and follow in his footsteps but after everything he went through, he didn’t wish that on his enemy, let alone his own daughter. God saved me and I’ll save that story for another time.
We can watch all the movies and read all the books about war and hear second hand stories from soldiers but us Americans will never fully understand the bravery and sacrifice that each service member takes on. They deserve to be celebrated. They deserve to be honored. They do what many of us do not have the courage to do. And they do it selflessly and graciously. Especially in this day and age with all the division and “woke” actions spiraling out of control in this country that they fight to protect. The irony is that their sacrifices protect the freedoms for these individuals to be able to act that way! Is it really freedom of speech and belief, or is it disrespect? I remember hearing last year somewhere that by tearing down old statues and destroying history, we are removing the memory of all the brave men and women who died for our country to be what it is today. And if we remove all that history, what is stopping us from creating it all over again? Not re-writing it, but actually allowing it to happen again. Our Founding Father’s created this country and sacrificed a lot for it. Our military have protected this country and sacrificed a lot for it. I wonder what all of them, up in heaven together, are looking down at us as a country and saying? Would they be proud of us? Would they be shaking their heads in disappointment? Either way, I’m sure if you asked them if they would do it all over again, their answer would be yes. Because that is the bravery that God blessed them with.
The GRATEFUL me, Audra.
Against the Grain 