Seasons of love.

Today, my blog prompted me to answer this question: what do you value most in a friend? This question is rather perfect for today as I just got back yesterday from a 24-hour trip to Palm Springs with a few girlfriends to see Shania Twain in concert, brunch and a couple hours by the pool for some much needed vitamin D. Although I would have loved the idea of every single one of my friends coming with (as I am sure they could all use that breath of fresh air and revitalize), there is something in small, quaint, quality time with a few to be present with them and give them the attention they deserve. I have many groups of friends, in many different areas of my life. I have core friends who I know I can go to when I need support and I have fun friends, who are always down to have fun but never dive under the surface for an intimate friendship. I have homeschooling mom friends who align with my core values and church friends who have watched my life unfold by the Grace of God. I have best friends that I have known for 20-30 years who have always been there when I hit rock bottom and celebrate every milestone together. I love friends!

I also love LOVING my friends. My motto in friendship is “Be the type of friend you want to have.” I pray for them. I check in on them when God tells me a name to reach out to. I would drive hours to see them. I make sure their birthdays are celebrated. I love gag gifts to make them laugh. I share books with them that may help them in the season they are in. I invite them places and spoil them. This year I made it a point to get to know the little things about my friends: their favorite flower, color, coffee, alcoholic (or N/A) beverage, their goals for this year, their religion, favorite Disney character, music they like- you get the picture. And I use all those answers to make their gifts genuine and personal. Not just a bouquet of flowers or a random bottle of wine. Things that take thought. Intentionality. I am fully using my batteries towards my friendships.

But the recharge is a slow process. There are only a few that reciprocate. I have come to a realization over the years that I cannot expect everyone to give the same effort I give. Not all friendships are a two way street. And I am okay with that. God places people in our lives during specific seasons when we need them most and when they need us most. Some people NEED that love and support during that season and sometimes new friends are just the recharge I need to receive that love and support. Once you’ve been friends with someone for a while, the need to continuously make an effort seems to fade and we are left with texts for birthdays and sometimes even as low as a Facebook birthday post so the world can see you’ve made an effort for that friendship. Nothing personal. Nothing to make a friend feel special. Ouch! How did the world become like this? Because we are all busy. We have our own lives and families and jobs and responsibilities. But that shouldn’t excuse ourselves from making the effort towards the people we care about. Or maybe that’s just it? We don’t care about those friends anymore? They don’t fill that cup for you anymore? Like I said before, seasons of friendships happen too. And I’m okay with that also. Maybe God is helping us filter out the friends that aren’t friends anymore since we can’t seem to do it for ourselves? I am guilty of that myself. I care too much about what others think that I hold onto toxic friendships that drain my batteries and create drama and frustration. God takes care of those for me and filters them out so that I receive that yearly birthday Facebook post and that’s it. He looks out for me. And then he places new friends into my life to remind me what I love about friendship. The excitement to get to know each other, to see what we have in common, the need to see each other and life each other up. And as the seasons of my life change, so does my groups of friends.

Although I love all my friends, none of them align exactly with my core values and it’s created a problem with Keelan and I deciding on who would raise our kids if something were to happen to us. We’ve spent years debating on each couple we love- they already have too many kids, they don’t align here or there, they wouldn’t respect this or that of our requests, they live too far away for our families to see them, and the list goes on. But the one trait I am adamant about for friendship is integrity. There is something about genuine friends that feeds my soul. Be who you say you are, do what you say you will do, show who you truly are at all times. It’s okay to have freak out moments and say “I need help.” It’s also okay to have moments where you need to step back and take time for yourself and your family. And then, after you are able to recharge, there will be time when you have a full battery and can reciprocate. But as long as you are able to communicate that too me and not be afraid to be open and honest with me, to say you are a hot mess and not pretend to be perfect at all times, then I will see how you value our friendship. I love raw, real friendships. Not the ones where all we do is complain, but the ones where we life each other up when we need help and then have a dance party once we’ve reached the top of that mountain after climbing out of that valley together. The ones where we EACH remember each others birthdays. Genuine friendships. REAL friendships behind closed doors and not just in public.

I have tons of fun friends. The genuine, real, raw friendships are far and few. Treasure them. Charge them. Reciprocate them. Do not take them for granted. They are not a season. They are a blessing from God and deserve to be seen for their worth. Today, you deserve to have friends that see your worth. You also have friends that deserve seeing how you value their friendship. What can you do to show them? You are not too busy for that. Put down Facebook and make that gesture intentional. Intimate. Personal. REAL.

The REAL me, Audra