That don’t impress me much.

Here we go! I’m back on track! It’s been a crazy past few days and I’m sorry I haven’t gotten around to writing anything during that time! I had started to write a post about dog hair, the other day, but who truly wants to read about that!

I have finished books 3 and 4 and have now moved on to 5 and 6, one chapter from each, every morning. The last couple days were more like 7:30 am, but today I decided 6:30 works better! (I know, ew! Right?!) Of course, besides “life” getting in the way of my morning routine, there was one other thing that caused my writers block…book #6. You see, I am the type of reader that if it doesn’t interest me in the first chapter or two, I won’t finish it. And it isn’t that this book isn’t interesting, it’s that I don’t understand 75% of the words on the pages! These last couple months, I have been reading devotionals for women, inspiring and powerful, ones that drive me to post and live out a life of success that God has created for me. Books that speak to every woman. Book #6 is different. It is a recent purchase by Michael Knowles of the Daily Wire and it’s called “Speechless: Controlling Words, Controlling Minds”. That title drew in my attention. I have a shirt that says, “I need new conspiracy theories, all of mine came true.” And I chuckle at it every time because over the last couple years, that has been my life! The things that I talked about 10 years ago to my family and friends, while they laughed at me and called me crazy, are now the things we talk about together that have us fired up and angry because they have been revealed as the truth. So this book seemed right up my alley. Except for one thing…I maybe should have read the English dictionary first. The span of my vocabulary doesn’t seem to be as wide ranged as I had thought it was because I can’t seem to understand most sentences in this book. And I don’t think that even if I had a college degree, I would understand it. Now, if I read the whole chapter, I can understand the gist of it- but it doesn’t motivate me to pick up and read it every morning. I am still motivated to finish it because I like the overall goal of the book, but if anyone can translate it into high school English level reading, I would gladly pay double for it!

So here I am this morning, only reading one chapter from book #5, Shannon Bream’s “The Love Stories of the Bible Speak”. My grandpa bought it for me recently, so apparently God felt I needed it. And now I know why, after reading this chapter this morning. My marriage has completely changed since we first said “I do.” And now I can feel you all laughing at me again, because I am sure each one of you have said the same thing at one point too. I know that as years go by, things change. You have kids, you move, your job changes, you have more bills, your kids get older and get into sports, maybe more animals, maybe more jobs. The laundry gets bigger. And it lasts over days. And I know you can all relate to that since there are meme’s out there joking about exactly that. I hate laundry. Everything about it. Recently, my 6 year old has begun being told to fold and put away her own clothes, and her vibes towards it are parallel mine. My husband leaves it in the washer until I find it however many days later. He has even began asking me to hang up his shirts instead of putting them in the dryer…and that was the final straw for me. Nope! Now he does his own too…when he remembers to move it from the washer. But one thing that has stuck in my head recently, and I don’t remember where I heard it from, was how you fold YOUR OWN laundry. Because when folding your kids laundry, or your spouses, you always turn them right side in and make sure there aren’t any creases, right? But what about your own? Boom! That hit me. Right between the eyes. I literally watched myself, folding up my favorite target brand tank tops that I love so much that I have 10 in each color, and would you look at that, I could care less about it being right side in or inside out! All of them! Oiy! Whoever it was that talked about my own laundry, said that the way you fold your laundry is the way that you view yourself. If you aren’t even willing to turn your shirts right side in, you don’t see yourself as a priority. And boy is that the truth!

My parents used to tell my husband that he spoiled me. And he did. And I loved it! You see, I had been married once before, and when I went through my divorced, I created a high-maintenance list. It was 50 things I looked for in a guy and would not go out on another date if he didn’t meet 80% of them! 40 out of 50, yep! High-maintenance! Things like must own a truck or motorcycle, must have $5k in savings, must want a family, must have a career or college degree, must love Disney, must love dogs, must be Christian. And some were truly high-maintenance like “must buy me flowers every Monday”. My husband, while we were dating, did just that! Some Monday’s, he would send me a picture of flowers in a text, but to me that still counted because that meant he understood how important that was to me. Date night 1x a week was important too, and he did that! My husband now, met all but 1 item on my 50 high-maintenance list- must have a tattoo and you wouldn’t believe this but he got his first tattoo one month before our wedding day! Spoiled. Of course, he also did things like clean the bathroom in his apartment while listening to Frank Sinatra, and fooled me into believing that would be a lifelong thing. I’m pretty sure now, that was a one time thing.

Now a days, I would call myself “basic high-maintenance” or even, like another shirt I love to wear “upper class trailer trash”. I used to never leave the house without putting makeup on, now I think I buy makeup once a year with a Sephora gift card my mother in law buys me for my birthday. I would love to have false eyelashes and super white teeth and hair extensions (since my post pregnancy hair WONT grow passed my shoulders!), but I haven’t won the lottery yet so those stay on my vision board for the future when I don’t have diapers and baby snacks to buy weekly! I am not a priority. And then my frustration gets passed along onto my husband, who doesn’t buy me flowers any more on Mondays. And doesn’t take me out on date night once a week. And doesn’t do this and doesn’t do that. And I become bitter and resentful. And then I throw up on my friends. Ick!

So this mornings chapter said this- “ Sit and look at your spouse- really look at them- and notice all the little things that maybe we stopped paying attention to.” It’s like that recent country hit where she sings about all the things that he DIDNT do that caused their break up. That’s become me! I strut around like Shania Twain in her animal print and rhinestones singing, “That don’t impress me much!” Because all I am looking at and pointing out are the things he doesn’t do anymore instead of praising all the things he NOW does! Things like make us breakfast on the mornings he is home, or set up my coffee for the next morning. Or even things as big as working a day a week of overtime for the last 3 years so that I don’t have to go back to work! That one makes me feel really embarrassed that I’ve overlooked it and taken it for granted.

So here is a new goal of mine for 2023. I will make it an effort every day to praise my husband for the things he does! He deserves to know how much he is valued and appreciated! And even if he doesn’t do the spoiled, high-maintenance things I used to be impressed by, the things he does now a days are far more impressive to my mature, grown up self! And the rest that is important to me, will have to become a priority to me or exit the building.

The REAL me, Audra