Boundaries.

Did you know that the city marks a little x on the corner of each property to mark your property line? I just learned that today! I had no idea! Of course, my property line is clear as day with a fence and brick wall so I didn’t have any guessing what I own and others own. But what about in our lives? Do we know where our own personal property line begins and ends? Oooo…that’s good, right?

I have finished my 5th book and am now enjoying my new kindle I got for Mother’s Day with another new book by Havilah Cunnington called…get this…”I Do Boundaries.” Like I’ve said before, if it has a great title, I buy it. And boy did that title sound good! Boundaries? What’s that? Right? That title spoke straight to my soul! I NEED boundaries so I clearly need this book! And can I just say, Havilah is an AMAZING writer! Her books have been eye opening, honest, blunt and straight forward but also filled with love and inspiration and grace. She answered her calling from God for sure! She’s definitely my favorite author at the moment!

Anyways, on to boundaries. Chapter 2 of this book started with a verse from the Bible: Proverbs 25:28 says, “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.” So true! When I don’t put up boundaries, I allow others to walk all over me! In my friendships, all of my family, at work, even at home. Once you remove that wall, it’s free range! And unless you build that wall back up brick by brick, they will continue to graze all over your green grass! Havilah says, “My life is my property. As the owner of my life, I have specific property lines. Property lines allow me to know where I am personally responsible. They show me where I have complete ownership. Ownership requires responsibility. Without property lines, I don’t know who is accountable for what and how to take care of my life in a healthy way.” She also says that boundaries help us protect what matters most. That got me good. I have my core values but do my boundaries allow me to prioritize them properly? Even worse- do I set boundaries so that all the extra stuff doesn’t prioritize my core values? Seems like every day I am ending the night feeling like all the little stuff hijacked my day and I didn’t spend quality time with my kids or my husband or even myself! That’s one reason I started the 7 am wake up. And even doing that has to have boundaries! I have to say no to tidying up and doing my hair and make up and folding laundry and all the other stuff I COULD be doing but SHOULDNT because that time is dedicated to coffee and God and my books and my blog. I even have to limit my dog snuggles during that time! Those things can wait until I have my first hour to myself. Priorities. Boundaries. Focus. Responsibility. Whatever you want to call it, I need it. You need it. You deserve it! Otherwise you are like me, raising kids that run you ragged. Adults in your house that treat you like their own mother. People in your life that EXPECT you to answer every one of their phone calls and respond promptly to their texts because you’ve always done that. How about even social media. How often do you go on there? Is that the first thing you do when you wake up or before you go to sleep? My husband even reads his emails while driving us around! Does that NEED to be done right now?

Over the last couple years I have intensely drawn boundaries in my life. Some did not like that and said screw you. Some have loved the new version of happier and healthier me and have embraced it full on and have even done so themselves! Others have respected those boundaries and are still trying to navigate them. I take all of it with a grain of salt, because I did that for ME and no one else. I did it so that I can be present for my kids. So that I can show my husband he is important too. So that I can put God first in everything. But no one asked me to do it, I just knew it needed to be done and did it. The people that are meant to be in my life stayed and the ones who weren’t, well, bye Felicia! I always love the saying, “You do you.” Because it’s true! Do what is best for YOURSELF. I had taken on a character flaw that was passed down by my beautiful, amazing mother and it’s called “Hostess with the mostest.” We both love to clean the house before anyone walks in our door, even each other! We have to provide all the food and cannot count on anyone else to bring something. We go above and beyond for our friendships and marriage and children and even church groups to the point of stress and exhaustion. We care so much about looking like Better Homes and Gardens meets Real Housewives meets Leave it to Beaver. Our home is put together, we are put together, our family is put together. I love my mama, and I love myself and I love our relationship with each other but neither of us knew boundaries in any area of our lives and it nearly killed us both! Obviously there’s some hardwiring that is still being worked out but we are both learning the word NO and sticking with it as the final answer!

Boundaries protect my relationship with myself.

Boundaries protect my relationship with others.

So now I DO boundaries. And it feels good! I don’t feel guilty because it’s not about others. It’s about me. It’s not whether or not I am capable of doing all those things, I know I am. Others know I am. It’s about what is healthy for me. It’s about what is important to me. Will the truly important things go on the back burner? Will there be balance or chaos? These are the things you should ask yourself before saying that “yes”. It’s okay to say no. It’s healthy to say no. It may be important to say no. And the first no is always awkward and difficult but you have to stick to your answer and be willing to say as many no’s as you need to. Each one gets easier. And then it gets to the point where you are happily saying no to the things you need to say no to and saying yes to the important things. And you are happy and healthy and thriving. Picture it in your mind right now. Are you currently there? If not, what can you say no to NOW to get there? Just do it. “No.” “I’m sorry but I cannot commit to that right now.” Don’t even apologize! “I am not available for that kind of a commitment at the moment, maybe next year.” It’s amazing how taking a season off can open you up for next year and what is possible!

Seriously, try it out. You WONT regret it.

The REAL me, Audra