Talking to yourself is not crazy.

“Talking to yourself is not crazy.” Has anyone read that book? I remember reading it years ago and jokingly telling everyone that I read it and so it’s okay to talk to myself. That doesn’t make me crazy or weird. But over the years I haven’t seriously considered about what I was SAYING to myself.

I was bullied growing up. My nickname was “ghosty” in 3rd grade. My roller backpack was thrown down a hill. I was absolutely not popular and, although they meant well, the list of rules my parents gave made it all the more easier to be bullied. And so began my lack of self confidence. Add in a brief marriage where he wanted every other woman but me, and any trace of self confidence was thrown out the door. But then I began dating my now husband. While we were dating, he used to stand me in front of the mirror and make me look at myself and say, “I am beautiful” over and over again until my tone sounded like I meant it. He did it for months, until I finally saw what he saw. Beauty.

Then began the most fruitful season of my life. I was happy, healthy, great career with bonuses and friends and fun and a wedding to plan. We bought our first house. We had 2 dog rescues. Life was great!

Yet somehow, as life continued moving forward, I slowly started removing parts of myself, to make time and room and energy for everything and everyone else in life. I was no longer my priority. I placed myself at the bottom of the food chain. With no life jacket, treading water became too difficult to stay afloat. And I arrived at a season where I was in over my head. I had to keep telling myself I am grateful for all that I have, but there was no feeling behind it. I would catch days where I didn’t even get to spend QUALITY time with my girls due to the day to day checklist and running back and forth to activities and appointments. That spark of life was and is still gone and I have become a robot.

Even as I am reading this book “Coffee Self-Talk” by Kristen Helmstetter, there are no creative words flowing in my brain to create my own mantra, my own personal self-talk to amp my day and see my worth. Yet, I KNOW the importance of words. I KNOW the value of what you speak to yourself. But I’ve dug myself into this funk so no matter what I tell others about how awesome they are, or how important it is to tell THEMSELVES- I don’t look in the mirror and see that for MYSELF.

Yesterday, I was driving my 7 year old to a birthday party and I turned to look and she was staring at me. So I asked her what’s up? Her response- “You look beautiful. I just wanted to look at you.” …Right?! Can I just carry her in my pocket everywhere?! But she had never said that to me before and it was a very vulnerable moment as I had ZERO makeup on, in lounging clothes, my hair COMPLETELY un-styled. This followed later with a friend telling me, “I don’t know what you have been doing recently- but you look amazing! Your skin is glowing and your hair looks gorgeous!” And as I jokingly flicked my hair back and said “I woke up like this,” the reality was that it felt so good to hear that and it made me begin to believe it again. So now I have decided to hit refresh and am creating a new me that says positive words to myself so that every day I can see what they saw! And live in that truth!

I hope we all take the time to compliment others as they may just need it in that exact moment, like I did. But I also hope that if you don’t already talk to yourself in a loving way, and believe the POSITIVE words you are saying to yourself, that you will join me in creating a daily self-talk. One that shows you your worth, that makes you smile and your skin glow and butterflies in your stomach as you create possibilities that you never thought possible. A mantra that attracts the RIGHT people to you, and weeds out the negativity, drama, the pessimists and the crazy. Because talking to yourself is not crazy. But talking NEGATIVELY to yourself is. You…and I…deserve better, more, brighter, happier, healthier, wealthier, stronger, braver, beauty-ful! So let’s create it together!

Today my goal is to write my own personal coffee self-talk that I can read every morning while drinking my coffee and believe every word. It will include dreams for the future that I want to become reality. I will include gratitude that I don’t just see, but feel. It will include how I want to see myself because after so many times, just like my husband did with me in the mirror, I will believe it and feel it.

I hope you will write one for yourself today too. And begin reading it every day. You deserve it. And if you already have one, please comment! I would love to hear how it has helped you, what it has created for you, parts or the whole of what you say, or songs that amp you and get you ready to start your day or get on that stage or into that meeting. What gets you motivated to rock your best life possible? I want in!

Sincerely,

The stronger, happier, motivated me,

Audra